Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
