We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
