haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Are my feet made of real feet?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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