I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
