well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize