TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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