I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
