When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
