I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
im holly from the hills drunk
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
