i wish starbucks made bloody marys
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
