My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
