Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
