dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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