Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize