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I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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