Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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