You're my little dorito
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
