I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
