i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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