The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
