I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
