Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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