im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
