Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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