ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
