And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize