Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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