I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
