if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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