Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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