cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
