On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize