Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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