Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
