He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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