Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
