would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
