Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
