You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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