just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
