He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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