I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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