Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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