you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
