my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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