Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
