How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
