I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize