fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
