i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize