it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
