Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize