Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
