You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
