Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
