I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
