I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize