I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
