I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
