i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
