We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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