Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
In America we eat man semen.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
