Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
