Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
