is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
