I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
