Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
