My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
