First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
