Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
