We named our party play list daddy issues
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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