i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
