somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
