come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
